1 February 2001

Small body of water sitting in the bathroom indicates pipe under sink has bought a little pet hole which is doing its favorite thing - leaking. Plumber comes and diagnoses hole. Oh well done. New pipe tomorrow. Meantime, no shower or washwater.

Make unanimous decision to disconnect firewall from now totally cut off local network. Suprisingly easy considering the amount of fuss they took to install it. Ironically, our ISP’s mailserver is genuinely down for maintenance. Spend rest of day fixing other problems around office—missing mail, several virusy things and so on.

Am rather surprised to see a copy of ‘Mission Kashmir’ on my desk when finished. Grace announces is time I watch a proper Hindi movie and none of the ‘crossover rubbish’ already seen. Am rather more surprised to find out that this Rambo-meets-Easter-Parade is a little over three hours long. Will watch in installments over coming days - should stave off the vomiting I think.

Estimated death toll in Gujarat now beyond 60,000 on local tv.

2 February 2001

Plumber eventually shows 25 hours after his original estimate. Tap now works. Bathroom now total mess.

Discover that our ISPs alternate mail server is actually that of a totally different ISP which isn’t secure and has an open relay. Maybe someone should tell them.

Also learn there’s so much sugar in a thick slice of bread you can’t actually taste the filling in the sandwich you’ve just made with it. Bleeuurgh.

5 February 2001

Resort to watching Prince of Tides mush to send me back to sleep after dozing off for four hours yesterday evening leaving me wide awake and stressed in the middle of the night. Resolve to relieve stress once in office and see where all is up to—missing six conference sessions and all bar five chapters for four books as it turns out. Sigh. Spend day installing computer for new Dilip helper, grinning at six lads being verbally flayed by woman they knocked off her moped and trying to rid our systems of two virii that are quite rife at the moment.

Lost appetite briefly after learning that the mutton samosa I’m eating could equally be called goat samosa.

6 February 2001

Two more guys drop out—now have eight sessions to fill. Make pre-emptive strike on inbox before it fills up (unnecessary as incoming mail server at ISP down today) and see what can be done.

Finally get tickets for Colombo and Calcutta. Am pressed for information on where I live by head of travel shop. Reply in Birmingham UK. Get asked if that is near Texas. Promptly double check that my tickets aren’t sending me to Kashmir or Burma by accident.

7 February 2001

The Rajkumar thing isn’t going away. in today’s ToI, authorities have found Veerappan’s diary. Why would a terrorist keep a diary? How would it read? July 31 - kidnap film star, Aug 3 - negotiate funds from Tamil authorities, Aug 4 - put out milk?

BangLinux Ads have started appearing in the paper and we’ve started getting odd phone calls in exchange besides the I-want-to-register ones. Classic one this afternoon began, ’Can you tell me more about this Linux? Where can I get it? I have a friends internet connection but not one of my own. Does it fit on a floppy disk?’ I honestly thought he would ask for tickets to the conference as well.

8 February 2001

Frank finally back from Paris. Sweated at missing sessions, ate pizza, sweated more, got new talk proposal I might not be able to use. Sat quietly in frustration with no other apparent course of action to remedy situation. Wrote more emails. Watched Clint Eastwood. Finally registered domain name to house this log more permanently.

9 February 2001

Come into office and find it nicely chilled. Someone has left the AC on overnight, which is good in one sense with nicely cool office but unfortunate side effect that they left it on a low setting, so a chunk of ice has now formed within the ac unit and is quickly melting and dripping onto the carpet. Indeed we now have Angel falls, India falling from the ceiling right next to the printer.

Mails to gnome-hackers list appears to have had some success - three sessions go back up. Meanwhile another Bangalore speaker has decided to move to Delhi this weekend and change without any notice the entire topic of his session from benchmarking to using mod_perl. Repeat mantra ’Do not kill him until after his session’ more than several times at this particular email.

Remember Hannibal is released today in the States. Seems it won’t come out here until after I leave and will probably have left the cinema before I return. Poo.

10 February 2001

A day of 3 near crashes in two ricks, 2 girls (Alice and Cressida), 3 films, 9 books, one curry, one hotel booking and one case of sunstroke and dehydration.

One of the other cinemas in town seems to have re-released last James Bond movie for a two week run. Can’t figure out why they would do that, or indeed why they would make ‘Fortress 2 : Re-Entry’ at all. This is on at yet another fleapit, as is Basic Instinct. Must be retro week.

11 February 2001

Would appear that someone walked out in front of John’s motorbike on purpose on Friday and sent him tumbling. Is this how people really get their kicks out here on a Friday night? There’s nothing worth joyriding so they make others crash their vehicles? It’s just not civilized.

12 February 2001

Amazon UK inhouse review of The Rebel Code states that the founder of the Free Software Foundation is Robert Stallman. Oh dear.

Girls trying to convince me that I don’t need to get tickets for the Calcutta test match in advance. As owner of Eng-Aus test match ticket six months in advance, scepticism reigns. Eventually locate identity of probable ticket vendors - the Bengali Cricket Board. Ring em up and spend two minutes with non-English speaker before beign told it’s not open til the afternoon. Ring back and told tickets are printed yet. Not printed? Maybe the girls are right.

The Chris O’Donnell version of The Three Musketeers is on again for at least the fourth time in ten days. Teeth are being ground down by the way he pronounces D’Artagnan so badly.

13 February 2001

Try to sleep through Wani’s arrival. Have only been asleep three hours. Discover her three step plan for entry. Two periods of ringing the doorbell every thirty seconds for five minutes and then a final attempt by getting the security gate to ring me. David Attenborough would be proud. For my next efforts, will try to locate the trail of the lost Incas and discover why I never get a phone bill until two days before its due.

The search for speakers continues. In fact, the quest for Gnome speakers is wading through two flame wars at the moment. On one hand, Nat and co have been buying advert space on Google searches for KDE-related keywords and in the other, I have the classic hacker-vs-non-programmer arguments between two potential speakers. It’s getting a little hot in my inbox.

More people might show up now though. Dilip and John (finally) decided to drop the cost of entry by 50% into the realms of the affordable by Indian standards. Entry is now 5400Rps - about 80.

Show off space folks land NEAR Shoemaker on Eros and elsewhere, in the world’s largest Fedex drop-off, deliver the Destiny space lab to the International Space Station. Fortunately, Houston rememebered to check the ’Sender pays customs duty’ box and yes they did sign for it.

Night at home—hear noises in kitchen coming from extractor fan. Assume cockroaches. Switch fan on, make satisfyingly loud crunching sounds and switch off. Leave kitchen —hear sounds again. Decide to ignore for fear of finding the cause.

14 February 2001

Valentines Day. Receive nothing except confirmations for about ten speakers at once and end email to one flame war (semi-grouch). The small matter of needing to create a 4 page BangLinux centrefold for India’s IT broadsheet in two days time is casually thrown into conversation sometime around 4pm and Dilip’s comp has the same old viruses and a few new ones to try and eradicate again. Throw overnighter to clear up conference material. Finish at 6 and discover there were definitely some sqeeters under my desk with a penchant for the back of my left leg, on which there is now a bite mark copy of the Orion constellation. Ouch.

15 February 2001

Stumble in at 4pm. Paper reports riots around the country because it was Valentines day. Perpetually uninspired to write any article for the broadsheet and continue in same vein until 1am. Am more concerned by fact that loaf of bread and packet of pistachios have bitemarks in them.

16 February 2001

Bread and pistachios now in fridge for safety where found small, dead roach. Still don’t know why they have to die on their backs.

Office day today completely consumed by efforts to write article about anything for Express Computer deadline at about 4.30. Eventually managed to bolt together Jim Allchin’s bogus comments about Free Software with some comments about Windows XP and create an article about inspiring innovation in the programming world. Probably load of cobblers, but you judge for yourself.

Second Gnome flame dispute ends with developer in victory as only real choice to come to developers conference. May hinder release of Gnome 1.4 betas however as is lead developer for Bonobo component system which underlies it. If Miguel complains, it’s his own fault, he didn’t come out himself.

Mozilla 0.8 is now out. Get it now

17 February 2001

Everyone in the office today despite it being Saturday. Not for love of work, but for free food. Conference caterers want to demonstrate how good their cooking is on us.

Both films out this week—Red ‘The Color of Fear’ Planet and Vertical ‘Cliffhanger-wannabe’ Limit—are totally sold out today in town. The oldie film trend continues at next change with Wild Orchid, an old Mickey Rourke film that was on Sky Movies a couple of days ago on at the Ritz. Easy one to miss then.

18 February 2001

Resolve to go in before noon for ticket to Vertical Limit. Fail miserably to get ticket. Again, every show sold out. Do manage to get into Red Planet, which for all its panning by the critics is quite fun for all the 2001/2010 references you can find in it and Carrie-Anne Moss being Carrie-Anne Moss. Val Kilmer sucked less than usual as part required him to be only himself but in a spacesuit - no acting required. He just about pulls it off.

Return home to watch source of kitchen disturbances scurry around the entire work surface, bound up the taps in the wall, back down the low dividing wall between kitchen and laundry room, onto the window sill and out through freshly gnawed netting. Is in fact six inch long mouse.

19 February 2001

Am now tensing each time I turn light on in kitchen in case I can catch mouse. As suspected, rodent went for an unopened pack of pistachios left out last night. Have blocked escape route via taps with large bottle of Sprite. In other home experiments have discovered exactly how long the flavour seal on an open tube of pringles works for (about two weeks if you’re interested) and why you should never buy toasties from the local baker unless you believe that roughly chopped onion, garlic and chillis with seeds on toast is actually a tasty treat.

BangLinux uppers and downers. Upper—instead of nine sessions short we are now five over. Need now to figure what to do with them all. Expecting more as well. Downer —mood in the air suggests MumJava might be beyond saving. Linux also now has direct competition in the guise of Sun India who decided that March 5,6 would be a good time to have a small seminar. John actually rings up Sun GM and tells him off for being irresponsible.

New girl Deepa in to help Dilip for last push. Good job—conference ad page 3 in national paper. On front page in color day after tomorrow. She hasn’t got a computer and I haven’t got a wedding present for Jools. Maybe umbrella would be appropriate. It has rained everyday in Colombo for the last two weeks.

20 February 2001

Get up, put lights on. Power cut. Power back on again - switch on tv. All channels degrade to unwatchable and then all conk out. Decide not test out the shower. Will probably have to retune tv as well.

New slogan of many for conf ’Most revolutions are about bloodshed. This one‘s about software.’ Should get people’s attention if nothing else.

In continuing theme of day, Dilip conks out at about 2pm and goes to the doctor, Safi is knocked off his bike, Patrick locks himself out of the van and then can’t switch off the van alarm when he does manage to get back in, Napster loses a major round in its continuing court case, Deepa’s new computer breaks down and the Royal Mail would seem to have misdirected our last package of goodies from the UK, clearly marked ‘WroxIndia, Bangalore, India’ to ‘Bangkok, Thailand’.

Only triumph all day is finally make it into Vertical Limit after four days of trying. of course, the projectionist decided to ruin it by inserting the intermission right at the most tense point of the movie. Guess his heart couldn’t take all the melodrama or that his favorite Star Trek:DS9 actor just got blown up.

21 February 2001

Tim sneaks onto earlier plane than planned, and as I rush to airport to meet him after quizzical phone call from same, he catches rick to my place, thus managing to miss each other. Return back home and all four guys in the security hut report acapella-style that ‘Your friend has arrived sir’. No. Really?

Only ten days til the start of conf. Smell it? I’m sitting in it. No plane flights for speakers arranged yet. Eek. Vijay has decided to go ahead with MumJava. Seven days and counting.

Misread note from Sophie in the Uk saying that Manju has won 3rd prize in a cat photo competition. Wondered why he wan’t in today.

22 February 2001

The Grammys—simile for award show even longer than the Oscars and more gratuitously kiss-assing that even the networks realize they should only broadcast the end half of the show and not its entirety. As usual, the best sections are the one-off pairings of musicians you wouldn’t normally group together. Top of the pile definitely Moby, Jill Scott and the Blue Man Troop, followed closely by Elton John and Eminem, who incidentally was snubbed by NARAS for best album of the year, when he obviously should have won. Steely Dan won instead.

Introduce Tim to the old faces, the local daba and ice cream parlour, why you’re not safe from vehicles even on the pavement and Bajaj the landlord who is back from Chennai early to attend a seminar tomorrow in town. Seems he’s excelled himself and not only reserved me a room in a hotel for my one day in Chennai but a driver for the entire day as well. For nothing. Must figure out what to get him as a thank you gift when I leave.

More late night noise emanating from the kitchen. Can’t be mouse unless it has also found way behind extractor fan. Switch it on full for warning effect and am sprayed by unidentified dirt and crap by fan itself. Noise does appear to have stopped meanwhile.

23 February 2001

Packing - have lost my digicamera and dictaphone. Think John and Nish have them. Also think John has my spare house keys as well. Weird panicky dreams started today as well. Guess the flying and the conference make me nervous. Dream of learning day before that Gnome talk has dropped out and must present by myself.

24 February 2001

Wake at 6am thanks to mozzies. No time to kill the flying diesel engine droner and go back to sleep before Patrick, Bajaj, Tim and Wani appear within five minutes of each other. Patrick is jsut early and Bajaj is worried that his driver is going to wait for me on the wrong flight. Two are coming to Chennai within 15 minutes of each other or would be if mine wasn’t delayed by an hour. Spend hour in waiting room wondering why airport code for Mangalore is IXE. Believe that half the plane has been lost en route when it finally arrives. Overhead lockers reveal exposed outer hull, seats more like deckchairs which require putting up and the food (maple and walnut bread) and drink is plain and bare.

In Chennai, Murran the driver has assumed taht plane’s inability to land at correct time is in fact my fault and proceeds to moan about his life, the battered AC Triumph he drives and the tardiness of foreigners for the forty minutes it takes to drive to hotel. After check-in, I’m off again to Mahabalipuram to “view the carvings” and placate the guy who wrote the itinerary. Air conditioning in car is on polar winter setting and windows don’t wind down so it may be thirty degrees outside but it’s minus five inside and hard to breathe. Five minutes in and a bike hits the rear of the car, setting him off again on how it isn’t his car anyway, it’s a company car and the company are cheapskates so it doesn’t have anything useful like a horn or a clutch that works. As if to demonstrate this, taxi actually conks out thirty miles from city.

Mahabalipuram is big tourist attraction with steep mark up for foreigners. Manage to impress guide with ability to dump hawkers aplenty and just generally stroll around with him at my own pace. All the carvings there are 7th century but involve Stonehenge-like effort as every carving is out of rock dragged from 150 km away. Time is catching up with town however. The Indian Ocean is whittling through the cliffs where some of the temples are perched with some speed.

25 February 2001

To Colombo then. Inauspicious start with discovery of head cold attributed to over-eager air conditioning and total unavailability of breakfast thanks to hotel restaurant not opening until 11am on a Sunday. Settle for bottle of water and cup of coffee instead. Even hotter and nuggie than yesterday. Murran brings own car to take me to airport - an Ambassador with windows that open, a clutch that works, and seats and ceilings he upholstered himself with his old living room carpet. Only problem is that to sit in back of this car, you need to be under 5 feet 9, or 5 feet 7 if you take account of the upholstery. Spend thirty minute drive leaning into the front seats.

Get on plane after more yo-yoing between check in and immigration than should ever be needed and am upgraded for troubles. However, the diference between Executive and Economy class appears to be slightly more leg room and a cup of unidentifiable fruit juice. For all the priority tags on my luggage, it still takes 20 minutes to arrive. Of course, the stickers mean that my luggage is a priority case for the baggage handlers to rummage through before passing on, so it’s to be expected. In the interim, wonder why Colin Powell’s name is pronounced Coh-lin rather than Colin, as he deserves.

Hotel is 50km from airport past the Sri Lankan army guarding the airport from Tamil Tiger terrorists and through Colombo which mostly looks like London suburbia did circa the unemployment crisis of the late 1980’s. Air condition overachieving again, but clientele almost totally western, access to the Indian Ocean, pools, cocktail bar and so on. Entertainment aimed at Westerners too - dreadful karaoke evening involving many drinks and an unfortunate rendition of Love Me Tender, but the less said about that, the better.

26 February 2001

Wake at nine for wedding at ten. Realise that Sri Lanka is in different timezone from India and dress faster than Taz spins. Wedding is delayed however as groom is hungover after drinking until 4am, bride has broken out in nervous rash, hotel seems to have forgotten we exist, band is late, and almost the whole wedding party are reluctant to leave the comfort of the shade for the wedding plaza that’s already 35 degrees and rising. Bride and groom are led out separately by local dancers loudly enough that some pool-based sunworshippers come to investigate. Wedding register is signed and Sri Lankan ceremony begins eventually blessing the next seven generations of the Coombes-Pearson connection. Many photos are taken and many requests are made of other hotel guests to get out the damn way of our taking the photos. Proceedings end with new couple taking trip on elephant named Molly round the pool area to the Ocean.

Birmingham City lose the Worthington Cup to Liverpool 5-4 on penalties and we lose track of lunchtime. Console self with swim in the Ocean and come out only when the staff call me out. Am I obviously burning up? No. An ex-canine has just been washed up on shore about five metres away. Puts a crimp on your day that. Excellent post-wedding celebratory dinner lasts much longer than expected and proves that certain members of staff should never be wine waiters.

27 February 2001

No more dead dogs in the sea today, but at 40 degrees in the shade, lounging around is painful even if that is all there is to do. My shoulders kill and there is a small tribe of ants running aorund the toilet basin in my room.

28 February 2001

Final day in Sri Lanka. Heat blisters now cover both shoulders in twisted impression of puffy yellow epaulettes. Now heat blisters only really hurt if you rub them, so shirt wearing is a torture in itself. I shall wear factor fifty suncream next time if it helps. Taxi back to airport charges 700 more rupees than on the way from it. Decide this is danger money for passing through the army checkpoints in front of the airport. All cars are forced to stop within 20 feet of a bloody great gatling gun aiming straight at them with bloody huge tank-busting bullets at bloody point-blank range. Smell it? I was sitting in it. Army in fact run the airport. My luggage is checked five times with me before take-off. Someone should take note and tell the Americans.